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Learning How Not to Freak Out: Finding Peace
- Dean Sluyter
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In today’s episode of “Healing From Within” your host Sheryl Glick author of The Living Spirit which shares stories of awakening, spiritual communication, healing energies, miracles, and ways to access your intuition and higher Self is delighted to welcome Dean Sluyter author of his newest book Fear Less a seasoned spiritual teacher and leader in the metaphysical field and whether he discusses the Buddha, Willie Nelson, from prison stories to The Wizard of Oz we find our way to understand ourselves and discover who we are and what life can really be when we learn to accept all move past worry and fear to just BE.
As listeners of “Healing From Within” have come to discover over time, Sheryl and her guests share amazing insights coincidences synchronicity and discover through self-awareness how to master emotions thoughts and access inner wisdom to create our best lives, truly moving past fear societal training rigid childhood patterns to find the breathe and openness of mind body and spirit for truth and happiness.
In today’s episode of Healing From Within Dean Sluyter who has written many books including The Zen Commandments, Natural Meditation, and Cinema Nirvana: Enlightenment Lessons from the Movies has taught natural methods of meditation since 1970 from Ivy League Colleges to maximum-security prisons and shares his life’s passion and love of meditation, Aikido, nature, and offers techniques to find a road to acceptance and peace, as we begin to live within the truth of our soul’s creative expression and to shine light wherever we go. We will learn to realize how to know and utilize fear to eliminate useless worrying and focus on life unfolding as it must according to a larger plan than we often allow ourselves to contemplate.
Dean shares a story of when he was only twelve years old and had a transcendent moment of letting go of fear and knowing he was alright no matter what. Sheryl likes the story he shares when he began to be aware of how we all were similar different and still unique.
Dean wrote, “ I was the skinny uncoordinated kid: the spaz in the fifth grade playground lingo of the day. The only game I was good at was dodgeball—not hurling the ball at others but jumping out of its way. That made perfect sense to me. In the classroom, I had no fear. I cheerfully took over discussions and enjoying a chummy tete-a tete with the teacher only dimly aware of the restless fidgeting going on all around me. Eventually I noticed big Chuck trying for once to be small so a history question might not be shot at him threatening as much danger and humiliation as a softball did for me. Different people, different situations, same feeling. Interesting. The Cold War was on. In social studied we watched black-white propaganda films about communism and from time to time in the middle of math or geography lesson the teacher would suddenly yell, “Drop” and we’d fall to our knees and duck under our desks expecting a commie A-bomb to fall.
Now we’re grown- ups. Terrorists have replaced Communists and we have graduated from the playground to other grounds for fear: the office the boardroom the bedroom the barroom and the newsroom. The last presidential election was fueled by fear and so were the ones since 9/11 and it’s been a white knuckle ride ever since, with spiking anxiety levels reported by psychologists nationwide. The political is personal.”
Sheryl says that it seems we are looking for leaders and a government to wipe away all the problems but the world cannot change till each of us changes within and becomes the change we wish to bring into the world. We all must accept responsibility for many of the problems our nation and the world finds itself in at this moment in time and must move pass the negative rhetoric to work cooperatively to bring about the changes that are needed. We must move pass limiting ourselves to the ideas of political ideology and find our humanness creating a community of humanists. Ideas opinions beliefs change with time, but human goodness never does.
She continues…The fascination with the political division is heightened these days as a result of social media and reality television which only highlights fear and the way people want to hold on to their own life, resources and lifestyle, afraid of change which must come and threaten life as they know it. This illusionary vision only threatens opportunities to recognize that we are more than our physical life. Compassion and love will surface no matter how hard some fight to realize their own personal agenda. Let’s be clear about the fear that has been generated in the political schemes by divided parties, by poor leadership and policies corrupt politicians and business increasing migration depletion of natural resources emerging nations seeking greater power and restriction of human rights along with pure selfishness greed narcissism and unhealthy parenting as real reasons for real concern…and a needed remembrance of moral concerns, important values and CHANGE that when right will benefit All.
Dean writes, “But no matter who’s elected today or impeached tomorrow our deepest fears persist personally in our own daily life situations. It is when we work individually on self improvement and awareness that the world will improve. Fear of pain fear of confusion fear of change fear that things will never change, that this is all there is, fear of responsibility fear of aging and illness fear of loss, bereavement, abandonment fear that the good times are over that joy has fled, fear of boredom, loneliness, intimacy violation fear of failure, rejection humiliation fear of other’s opinions, of our own feelings, of being fooled, of blowing it onstage, of being exposed as a bewildered child among the confident adults. Fear for the planet. We look to the world our children will inherit and wonder if it will be The Jetsons or Mad Max. Fear of missing out. Our fears may be rooted in big traumas haunting the past or big challenges looming in the future, but they cast their shadow over the smallest moments of everyday life right now.” Sheryl says when she sees the MS 13 gang members she feels like she is living in the world of Mad Max. What happens when we are not quite sure of what to be afraid of, but are afraid anyway?
“When we are not sure what to be afraid of which threat to dodge next and what direction it will come from our fear mutates into free-floating anxiety. To soothe our anxiety we might fall into addiction, taking refuge in a drug or drinking or in compulsive eating or gambling or gaming or hoarding or sex or in cutting or starving ourselves or in magical belief systems or bogus political messiahs --anything that offers to gimme shelter when I feel like I am going to fade away. But that sets off new fears that we’ll run out of Oreos or drugs or the girlfriend or boyfriend will run out on us and then we lash out in anger at whoever or whatever threatens our alleged security. These and other afflictive emotions—grief loneliness, guilt, jealousy confusion shame disappointment resentment greed self-righteousness despair are all deeply connected.
Of course if you’re lucky and paying attention life offers any number of joys and wonders which help us sidestep the most destructive habits and scenarios. But still the fear of eventual annihilation and that of everything and everyone you love and the thought that all this must end lingers close by.”
Sheryl suggests that we have all know people, even children and some of us have become those people who seem to have some deep wisdom, some internal compass that keeps them balanced and do not succumb to the fear There are events and movies or literature that share the dynamic of people finding their deep resolve and love for live in its highest aspects and motivations for being courageous and that creates a state of being that reflects resilience and trust. Sheryl thinks of the movie “Braveheart” where the Irish peasant fought for freedom and love against all odds as he knew himself to be an honorable man working for the good of his people and believed in a collective reality of hope.
Dean wrote, “They may look different and not exactly what sages might look like but we are sure they are not racked with anxiety. They’re not caught up in anger or overwhelmed by fear even fear of death. No matter what difficulty or life threatening event every breath from a deep reservoir of silence courage trust and love sustain them. But these people declare that as they are, we can and will be, and that the silence or kingdom of heaven is within us now. If we reflect back on our lives—the joys, the challenges the lonely moments we might even sense that the silence and peace has been with us, within us all along. We may have been looking for the right things but in the wrong places looking outside for what is inside. It’s just a matter of settling back into yourself in the infinite OK-ness that is your deepest nature.”
Sheryl says this state of being at peace with oneself and the world comes when one accepts, allows, and surrenders to life as it is, and as we create it with our thoughts and actions in each and every moment. We do have the ability to change ourselves therefore changing the outside world, but first we must know ourselves as the eternal soul being that we are and learn to accept our human and divine needs without fear or judgment. What is right for us to explore is our own nature and the nature of the physical world so we may begin to remember our soul existence then move past human fear to divine states of knowingness and love.
Dean suggests there is a “Waking” up and a way to learn to look and experience peace and freedom from fear and accessing that space of freedom is easier than people think. You don’t have to change your job or your wardrobe your philosophy or your diet those matters are all far more superficial than what is needed. No one owns the zone so it’s not inherently Eastern or Western, Buddhist or Christian or even “spiritual. ” My favorite saying of the Buddha is Ehi-passiko—Come and see. Not come and believe, or come and hope, or speculate or argue. Try something see what you experience and if it seems beneficial you’ll probably want to do more of it. The sages who have come and seen didn’t live only in ancient times. They live now and what they share is Practice and View.
Dean feels the core practice, the one that has revolutionized his life is natural—meditation. If you try to meditate it’s well like trying. But as we’ve already seen the zone of great freedom sneaks up on us so the most natural and effective kind of meditation is not so much doing as being. We stay right where we are with the windows of our consciousness wide open.
Along with meditation as our core practice the other component of awakening is “View”. View is not mere opinion or idea. As the word implies, it’s seeing—seeing clearly so that we perceive the reality that’s right in front of us but which was previously obscured by confused ideas.
In the Bhagavad Gita India’s classic text of meditation and action it is said, “ Even a little of this practice delivers from great fear.” If, after a little practice you fear less—even one percent less than before—then you’re already coming out of the darkness and into the light. You’ve made it through the worst and more light awaits you.
Dean shares a Breathing through Fear exercise. Breathing is a tool that may support you and move you from fear to faith. Begin by breathing through your feet. Now as you breathe normally you also imagine and feel that you’re breathing in through the soles of your feet. Do it and after you may realize that you feel a little less stuck in the head to the buzzing of thoughts and feeling. You are more grounded centered or refreshed. There are many exercises to release tension and stress and a continued practice in meditation deep breathing visualizations music and simply enjoying each moment are the way forward to a more peaceful way of life beyond fear.
Dean mentions his martial art Aikido teacher Rick Stickles who helped him realize the importance of Relaxing at the moment of Contact. “When we realize when we are tightening up and how that limits your awareness and response to what’s going on you can begin to see that if you’re caught up in anxiety about the impression you are making in your job interview, you may not see the warm smile and the gracious comments that the interviewer is making to signal you’re doing fine. Being loose doesn’t mean being sloppy or undisciplined. It means open enough to be sensitive and responsive and act in the moment when you have to move faster than you think. You can see this in performers. Cary Grant had this sense of knowing and said that working with Grace Kelly who was one of the best actresses ever as she was total relaxation, absolute ease—she was totally there.”
Anything you can do, you can do better from that place of fluidity and ease. The change is not only attitudinal but neurological. We are retraining our nervous system to process experiences in a more cooled out way so that it doesn’t interpret every moment of contact with a fight or flight response.
Practicing for a test where Dean had to repel three opponents as the first opponent attacked he couldn’t budge him until his teacher called out “ Relax at the moment of contact!” Dean was too busy tensing up to even realize it. No longer frozen in his own rigidity his shoulders going soft and energy from his upper body going into his hips he threw his attacker over with fluid ease. Relax at the moment of contact in every fearful situations into a zone of confidence will provide the best results.”
We go on to talk about worry and does it really ever help? Dean talks about Steven Spielberg’s 2015 Cold War thriller “Bridge of Spies” where a lawyer played by Tom Hanks says to the Russian Spy I have a mandate to serve you. Nobody else does. Quite frankly, everybody else has an interest in sending you to the electric chair The Russian spy says; All right. Donovan the lawyer then says to the Russian, “ You don’t seem alarmed?” Abel, the Russian spy says with a shrug of his shoulder…Would it help?
The moral of that story is highlighted from a line from an eight-century Buddhist sage Shantideval:
If there’s a solution, what’s the point of worrying?
If there’s no solution, what’s the point of worrying?
Willie Nelson sounded a bit like Shantideva when he said, “ I’ve never seen worrying about anything change it. So I decided not to do it….You know, we’re all gonna die. So we all have to say, “OK, I may be next, you may be next, who knows.”
People, ordinary people can find the switch to worry and shut it off. It’s not repressing it or pushing it down within you which can fester and lead to cancer. It’s simply acknowledging that while things may happen that are unexpected or not pleasant, we have the ability to try and do the best we can in any given moment without fear and choose to accept allow and surrender to adversity and try to make something good out of it. That is an attitude and a choice we can make which can be constructive and lead to good results ultimately.
Dean wrote, “The letting go of worry, of futile struggle against what is, works from the smallest annoyance all the way to full blown crises when we feel our whole life is melting down.”
Sheryl shares with Dean that she is told by her spiritual guides that they are working very hard for us to move past the challenges of our political social economic and religious challenges of these rapidly changing times and that we must not allow ourselves to think that we alone, must point out truth justice and the best way to thrive in all our decisions. We can trust that what is right will eventually present itself even as we go through what appears to be horrendously insensitive actions by so many un-awakened souls.
Dean alludes to discuss the difference between religion and spirituality, He wrote, “I once asked a Catholic priest who was on a twelve step program, “What’s the difference between religion and spirituality? He replied, “In my opinion, religion is for people who pray to God so as not to go to hell. Spirituality is for people who have already been there and are now looking for a way back home.”
Fear grief rage bitter disappointment our various afflictions may look and feel different, but they’re all forms of the same primal suffering, which is the sense of isolation of being alone and cut off from the wave without an ocean. But there’s no such thing as a wave without an ocean. The sages-Buddha Jesus Shankara and ordinary people have managed to wake up out of isolation and suffering. Everyone of us can and can improve our lives.
Sheryl writes in her book The Living Spirit in regard to merging spirituality with religion, “Loving all of humanity is made even more difficult at times by the man-made inventions that seek to separate us. While we can be separated by political or socioeconomic differences, there has been no more divisive an issue than religion. Please do not take this as a disparagement of religious beliefs. Only when we use our beliefs to exclude others, then we may be ignoring the central message of God and his messengers: that we are all connected to Universal Energy and to each other.”
Dean would like readers of Fear Less to take away with them after reading the book the notion that, “As you allow ease to permeate your life percolating through its fibers naturally dissolving and washing out the old gunky deposits of fear rage and self-destructive craving, more and more you are happy and at peace for no particular reason except that’s what you are at your core and now your core is being unburied and unburdened by old thoughts habits and old behaviors. As you awake and break free from the old distortions a natural wisdom bigger than separate “I” with its little thoughts emerges to guide your steps.”
In summarizing today’s episode of “Healing From Within” Dean Sluyter has shown us that by relaxing into life, by becoming aware of sounds, feeling, and the futility of trying to control events within and around us, we begin to know ourselves as souls of an eternal source of lightness of being which can move past fear restriction limitation to create and enjoy life in all its beauty and goodness. The biggest fear of being alone unloved and unappreciated are often just figments of the ego and mind and a lack of awareness to our interconnectedness to all that is, was, and will be in the eternal dance of life love and growing awareness of Self through meditation self-reflection and allowing life to unfold not as we will it or control it, but as we hope and dream it to be, to make it wondrous, real, both here and beyond this physical world.
Dean wrote The silent, unmoving ocean of awareness is you. All the waves of motion and change—thoughts, feelings sensations—pass frictionlessly through you. Just notice this Leave it as it is, and let it go as it goes.”
Dean and I would share our love of life peace goodness and well-being that we both have found within us, even as storms swirl around us, or times and needs change, for we as souls have inner wisdom and personal power to grow expand find peace as we surrender graciously to whatever happens, without struggle, and trust the Universal Plan will be for our ultimate good as we continue to change beyond fear and control. That is truth and will always be TRUE.
