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A Subconscious Love of Unhappiness
- Mia Tomikawa
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In today’s episode of “Healing From Within.” your host Sheryl Glick author of The Living Spirit a story of spiritual awakening spiritual communication healing miracles and a guide to soul awareness is delighted to welcome Mia Tomikawa a representative for Master Ryuho Okawa author of The Unhappiness Syndrome which suggests that despite our proclamation to be happy, a subconscious pattern of thinking and action may be sabotaging our natural birthright which is to live joyfully.
As listeners of “Healing From Within” well know Sheryl and her guests share stories insights and hopes for understanding both our physical and spiritual essence as we work to become more conscious of human nature and the Universe in order to participate more fully in the evolving human life story. Self investigation and self mastery of thoughts emotions, and actions, are the way to find a clearer path to reality.
In today’s episode of “Healing From Within” Mia Tomikawa a representative for Happy Science foundation shares Master Ryuho Okawa’s book The Unhappiness Syndrome which will offer insightful prescriptions for the 28 most common self-destructive attitudes that we find in unhappy people in the modern age. Like everything, happiness or unhappiness no matter the circumstances is a choice.
People really suffer from a love of unhappiness? At work? At Home? And doubting their spiritual needs and beliefs? First, we begin by realizing that you are in fact suffering from the unhappiness syndrome. More often than not, people haven’t yet noticed the dissociation between their sense of self and the actual condition of their mind. Sometimes, this discrepancy is the chief issue for suffering. Many people believe that their mind is perfectly healthy when they are actually suffering. The vital foundation for healing is a clear awareness of our inner impulse for unhappiness.
Okawa writes, “We human beings have been granted full control over one important thing: our mind. We have no control over other people’s thoughts. But our mind is the one realm where we stand wholly sovereign. The secret to mastering life, therefore, is mastering one’s mind. But the prevalence of negative thinking in the world is a telling indication that people are struggling to make use of this gift and, as a result, are suffering from the effects of a dismal outlook on life. It perturbs me that people allow negative thinking to pervade their mind even though they hold the power to change it. This stems from the fact that their minds have become habituated to these thought patterns, which exert a constant magnetic attraction to additional pessimistic circumstances. Just as the natural force of gravity requires no additional force to pull a roller coaster downhill, the negative thinker’s mind, when left on its own, will naturally pull the mind into a downward spiral of distress.We all live under the influence of destiny to some degree. Our lives are probably following some general path that we cannot completely change. But the purpose of life is not to surrender ourselves to ominous predictions, but rather to decide how we will steer ourselves through whatever life brings. Accepting someone else’s negative predictions is the same as denying the true purpose that we are here to serve.”
This is clearly another pattern of unhappiness. We human beings are capable of conquering fate and steering our lives in the direction of our own choosing by gaining mastery over our own minds.
There are four signs that show that you have ended your relationship with unhappiness. We want to and need to lift off beyond unhappiness by no longer thinking negatively and eventually maintain a constant state of happiness. An essential tool for reaching your “cruising altitude” is a study of your unhappy experiences. A careful examination of your past should help you discern the specific negative patterns you are most prone to and show you how each of them affects your life. Is there a way to measure whether you have become free of negative thinking? Yes! Four clear signs will help you determine whether you have reached a consistent state of happiness. When you are capable of maintaining all four indicators, you can be certain that you have conquered negative thinking.
- The first sign is waking up every morning feeling excited about life. Freedom from negative thinking You should feel confident about your happiness if, as you rise from your sleep every day, you feel grateful to be alive, thankful for another precious day, and filled with exuberant anticipation of a great day ahead.
- The second sign is a sense of vitality filling every inch of your body and a constant, eager itch to work.
- The third sign is the ability to see the wonderful aspects of everyone around you. noticing only the negative aspects indicates a very dismal view of life.
- The final sign that you have conquered negative thinking is believing that you are here to serve a higher purpose beyond yourself. We gain a deep sense of happiness when we feel that we have contributed to other people’s happiness or, to put it another way, when we realize that who we are has helped make this world a better place.
We must recognize why people may envy other people’s success. The first case of the unhappiness syndrome deals with the self defeating tendency to envy the successful. If you are suffering from this negative thought pattern, you are probably already aware of the unhappiness inside you. We feel envious of people who achieve success in our areas of interest. What this means is that the person you envy is a reflection of your ideal. You wouldn’t feel envious if you didn’t have a desire to be like this person or to have what this person has achieved. To conquer your feelings of envy, you will need to accept two facts. First, accept that your feelings of envy are indications that show where your interests lie. Second, understand that the people you envy are not your enemies or rivals, but your ideals. Deep down, you want to be like them or succeed as they have. If your ideal is so beyond your grasp, then let go and look for realistic ideals that reflect your true potential.
Master Okawa suggests that one serious problem many people experience is with IN-LAWS…”The last piece of wisdom I would like to share with you to help you improve your relationship with your in-laws is based on a spiritual truth. In most cases, we chose our marriage partner before we were born, which means that we most likely also chose our parents-in-law or at least knew who they would be. And between mothers-in-law and daughters in-law in particular, relationship tension seems to be more or less a universal issue because they often share a deep spiritual bond. In many cases, their spiritual connection is much stronger than their spiritual tie with their own parents. If we have a difficult relationship with our in-laws, we may find that our roles are reversed in the next life.
It is important to set realistic small goals to motivate yourself. When you feel that your enthusiasm is completely gone, there is only one real way to bring it back, and that is to make yourself an enthusiastic person. Essentially, you create your own enthusiasm. What I recommend as the best way to regenerate enthusiasm is setting reachable goals.
In other words, set a realistic goal so that you can taste success quickly and gain the motivation to keep working toward new goals. The point Master Okawa would like to emphasize is that for a goal to motivate you, it must be attainable; you will defeat the purpose if you set it one or two miles away from you.
What most people are in need of is to be able to savor a sense of accomplishment and remember the taste of success.
Master Okawa talks about a person who lives in fear of getting hurt and how this phenomenon happened and how can it be avoided. Living in constant fear of being hurt can be a struggle in itself. The feeling of fear alone may be enough to dissolve all hopes of happiness. Perhaps no one who suffers from this fear would profess to ever feeling happy. In this sense, fear of being hurt may well be the self-defeating thought pattern that best exemplifies how the unhappiness syndrome manifests in our day-to-day lives. This particular fear arises from our natural urge to live in large communities. Because we are social by nature, our happiness or unhappiness is never wholly immune to influence from those around us and the rest of human society. WE CAN AVOID THIS THOUGHT….Just as our own behavior can bring someone joy or sadness, other people’s behavior can affect our state of mind. This is an aspect of life that we need to accept. if you are surrounded by good natured men and women who offer benevolent support, bring positive news, and help you succeed, then it won’t require much effort at all to feel content and happy around them. On the other hand, if you are surrounded by people who frequently disparage, criticize, and distrust others, then happiness may feel like a scarce luxury. if the latter case applies to you, you probably see the world as abundant with hostile and harmful things. When we closely examine those who have developed this view of the world, we will most likely find many people who are carrying the emotional baggage of some hurtful experience of the past.
Just as the fear of dogs is triggered by the terrible memory of having been barked at or bitten at one time or another, probably during childhood, the fear of being hurt by another person is most often triggered by the trauma of a painful experience in the past. For a child, the frightful bark or bite of an angry dog can be so traumatic and impactful that the sight of a dog even in adulthood might elicit fear. Likewise, if you have ever felt hurt or betrayed, the pain could be imprinted in your memory and create the fear of becoming victim to a similar experience again. A clearer view of your own personal power for happiness and positive energy can change these past negative perceptions.
Positive energy can also change many negative impressions and fears. Remembering more of your own divine nature as a soul of god and drawing a strong image in your mind, as you live from day to day, of your God given right to be happy and how God imbued your life with his own breath and with a duty to achieve happiness. By doing so, you will eventually exude such positivity that no one will be able to criticize you for fear that it will only come back to them. No one will be able to hurt you anymore, because when you are constantly emanating joyfulness, cheeriness, and an air of success, anything negative that anyone says about you ends up reflecting badly on them and giving others the impression that they may be the ones being resentful about you. You can create a positive atmosphere and cultivate a positive self-image. In essence, you give others the sense that terrific things are happening to you, which you do by taking delight in life’s simple pleasures and discovering the seeds of happiness and success within your surroundings.
We must define self assertiveness and discover the difference between positive self assertiveness and aggressiveness common conditions that affect us often. Let’s examine self-assertiveness to gain a better understanding of it. The essential question we want to consider is why we humans naturally feel a desire to assert ourselves and be noticed. Where does this desire come from? Does it arise from an evil side of our ego? There are two basic reasons why we all have some degree of self-assertiveness. God endowed us with the gifts of individuality and self-expression so we can express our differences.
First, self-assertiveness arises from a desire to express our individuality. a fragment of God lies within each of us, and all of us are equal as children of God. At the same time, however, God also gave us the freedom to develop into unique individuals having unique personalities and this means that the differences between people become emphasized, and this was God’s intention. He endowed us with the gifts of individuality and self-expression so we can express our differences. This is the root of our desire to assert our unique qualities. in this sense, self-assertiveness is neither evil nor wrong. We all want to be capable of greatness, be valuable, and be recognized. These desires are an inherent, valuable part of being human. Without these desires, we wouldn’t be able to feel the aspiration to serve society and contribute to the advancement of civilization. our sense of self respect and desire to achieve greatness has been the vital, driving force that has encouraged humankind to contribute to the development and evolution of our societies.
Within the depths of the human soul lies a strong hope or energy that seeks continual progress. In conclusion, self-assertiveness arises from the desire found within each person’s soul to be a unique individual, become a better version of ourself, earn respect, and evolve further to greatness. Ultimately, we find nothing inherently wrong with self-assertion itself. The dilemma we face is determining how strongly we should assert ourselves. With Positive Self-Assertion, You Won’t Impinge on Others’ Happiness
Consider what would happen if one particular kind of flower begins to dominate a landscape. Even if it’s the most beautiful flower known to humankind, it’s still impinging on the happiness of the other plants and flowers that have made this place their home and are flourishing blissfully. This would certainly result in tragedy. This phenomenon occurs in reality in natural habitats. When one species of a tree or fern proliferates too rapidly, it may reduce the available sunlight and consume vital nutrients that other plants in the area need, making it impossible for them to survive. The essential factor to consider is whether your self-assertion will harm others and encroach on their happiness. This is the reason that self assertiveness can become a problem.
Building solid self-esteem curbs aggressive self-assertiveness. If you are struggling with strong self-assertiveness, my advice is to try to put your abilities to use in a much gentler fashion. Try to bring more balance to your approach to life. Those who are aggressively self-assertive have become this way because they are in a big hurry to gain recognition and are too focused on producing immediate results. In other words, they are seeking other people’s approval. This tendency to focus on other people’s approval is an indication that they don’t yet conclusively approve of yourself. They are probably feeling unsure of themselves and so keep seeking other people’s validation. Your sense of self-esteem and confidence becomes very shaky without constant approval. To develop that confidence, you must stop seeking approval from others and instead seek approval from yourself.
Begin every day with a promise to yourself that you will make yourself proud, and then follow through on that promise. This will help you put your abilities to use in a gentle fashion. You’ll build reserves of ability and demonstrate your abilities gently and quietly but with certainty. Another essential piece of advice I have for you is to set a clear, long-term goal. Your goals should focus on long-term prospects that you can dedicate yourself to for a continuous period of time.
The key for people’s unhappiness is often found in their past. Perhaps learning that hurtful situations are ultimately the result of our own attitude; the cause does not lie in others. When your feelings are hurt by someone’s unkind remarks, you may be exaggerating their importance. Some people never allow themselves to be fazed by negative remarks. They simply let the words slide past them as if nothing had happened. it is their strong sense of self-confidence that allows them to do this. But if you have low self-esteem, you might be inclined to believe others’ negative remarks, in which case of course their words will sting. This is another reason why Master Okawa continues to stress how invaluable it is to build a positive and constructive self-image. After you have made all these changes to your day-to-day attitude and successfully brought cheer back into your life, the next step to creating an aura of positivity is to take proactive actions, such as complimenting other people.
Perceptions ultimately lead to different life outcomes. In the majority of cases, an experience of deep pain in childhood or youth is creating this tendency to feel trapped in the past. The hurt lives on inside. Many situations can lead to enduring psychological pain: a serious illness, being born into poverty, a parent’s abandonment, having a brother or sister with special needs, failing to get into college, flunking a grade, going through a difficult breakup, and being laid off from a job are all examples of such experiences. These kinds of unhappy experiences may leave behind deep pain that doesn’t easily go away, and this pain can strongly affect people’s lives. The pain is like a wound that is covered most of the time but that, by dint of some catalyst or other, becomes opened again so that the person ends up reliving the earlier pain. Based on my observations, a considerable number of people fall into this self-destructive pattern, having wounds that never heal. But if you stop dwelling in the past and instead choose to adopt a positive attitude toward life, you will begin to take much less notice of the past.The solution is simply to stop looking backward and firmly set your eyes forward on the road in front of you.
Three positive mindsets for cultivating a brighter outlook:
- Repeat to yourself as often as possible each day, “I will be successful. I will achieve greatness. I will fulfill my destiny.”
- Believe that this world is teeming with people who want to help you succeed and that everyone is subconsciously your supporter
- Emphasize life’s positive things and take negative things with a grain of salt. This, again, is essentially about your attitude
In summarizing today’s episode of “Healing From Within” we have discovered once again that in our exploration of “Who we are, What our life journey is really about, and How we can grow and thrive in a physical world filled with challenges so we may find the way to happiness through our own efforts…. self-investigation, reflection, taking responsibility for our choices, living with greater love, acceptance and diminishing the fears of childhood training and societal patterns of limitation or loss.
As Master Ryuho Okawa wrote, There are 3 keys for improving your destiny “The first key is to constantly look within your mind and correct any mistakes you find. If you find any wrong thoughts, ask for forgiveness and make amends immediately. The second key is to resolve to love as many people as possible during the course of your life. The third key is to believe that human beings are essentially good. A forlorn belief that human nature is fundamentally evil will not help us create a wonderful world;….. a jubilant belief in the goodness of human nature is essential to inviting good fortune into our lives and to creating an ideal world on earth.
Master Ryuho Okawa, Mia and I would have you remember your divine soul nature that came here into a physical life to observe, refine, and create new levels of love and compassion for all life. Find the unique spiritual talents and goals that you have chosen to explore in this time and space. Be open to learning sharing and creating your best life.
